Originally planning to visit the Merrywell, Madam Rabbit, the Artsy Patriot, Princess M and Mistress Ford decided to stay in and try out the Crown Metropol's room service. It appears the King's best cuts were going somewhere else, as while the Crown charges Camelot prices it served us some Harrenhal meals.
- I ordered the $41 Snapper fillet, with something called 'beurre noisette', capers and lemon. I assume 'beurre noisette' is French for 'not much else', because this $41 dish is sparse. Barren. Scant. It comes out as a fillet of fish (which was cooked well enough - no complaints there), half a lemon and a small dish of capers. When I saw the dish I was gobsmacked. The Crown is not known for being cheap, and room service is well known to attract a premium, but this dish was predominantly atmosphere. This Emperor had no clothes. Once I added the capers, it at least had some taste, but gee-whizz, to pay $41 for something so plain.. I am a bit lost with what to say.
- The Artsy Patriot and Mistress Ford shared the $29 Tapas platter, and it wasn't anywhere near as desolate as the Snapper. A few prawns, some chorizo, kipatrick oysters.. not too bad but certainly not something that would dazzle anyone.
- Madam rabbit ordered the Vegetarian Penne Pasta Dish. Again, it was fairly simple. Some garlic, some sundried tomatos, some extra virgin olive oil and thanks very much for your $25.
- JUST LOOK AT THAT SNAPPER FOR CRYING OUT LOUD WHAT THE HELL!? I felt sad for the Snapper.. not because it was dead but because it was lonely.
- We all shared some french fries but I forgot to take a photo of them. They were pretty decent. Perhaps the winner of the bunch.
- One of the cool parts of the experience was how the food was presented. In my (admittedly limited) room service experience, the food comes out on a table covered by cloches (yes, I too have learnt that word from having watched Masterchef) to keep warm. However Crown instead brings it up on a table that includes a mini oven-like cabinet to store your dishes and protect from the cool. It was a bit impressive.
- Princess M ordered some chocolate icecream, but as she wasn't feeling well she fell asleep before it arrived and I ate it because i am a fatty. It was quite nice. It cost $9.00. It didn't come out in a bowl, or anything, they literally took it out of their (what I imagine is oversized and gold plated) fridge-room and put it on our table. And charged us $9.00 for it. Cool.. Cool. Not even mad - still just blown away by the Snapper. Not even mad.
- MINI BARRRRRRRR...
- $8.20 for one litre of Evian.
- ... and thus concludes my mini-bar adventure....
- A man came to drive the food table up to our room. He was nice enough. The end.
- The rooms at the Crown do have a fairly luxe feel to them. Two bright lights behind the headboards shine onto a textured gold cushion that runs in a strip along one wall, along the roof and then down the other wall, giving the entire room a soft golden glow. It reminds me of the Champage-Gold colour you can order your Apple products in these days. I imagine it's a big hit for the Asian tourist market.
- That golden hue is then contrasted against large walls of textured grays and blacks. It works well.
- The room opens out into the bathroom, so that you can sit in your bathtub while your roommate watches Arena trash-tv. If that's something you enjoy doing (p.s. it is enjoyable).
I'm guessing most people don't choose to order room service for the value of it all. They do so because work is paying. Or because an airline is paying. Or because they've already paid for their evening entertainment and they need props. The point is, Crown's room service is probably not a fair target for Perth Food Blog, which is what makes it such a good target for Perth Food Blog.
So let me summarise by saying this - Crown Metropol's room service offers a service for those guests detached from reality in some manner. Provided you're able to separate yourself from how commerce works in the real world, you will have an ok time. The food itself was edible. The Snapper I ordered was fine to eat, it was just so so boring and so so overpriced. The tapas plate was ok - it was less boring than the snapper - but still not value for money. That pasta wasn't unappetising, but given the components it should not have cost that much.
An ok meal; a terrible deal. A service for people unencumbered by the constraints of reality.
4 Lonely Snappers out of 10